Friday, November 15

An Internal Battle

We're trying to adjust to a Monday-Friday work week over here.  And phew, TGIF.

I love the hours, and the opportunity to be home every night for dinner, but this toddler is starting to fall behind on sleep, and I think we all know the reality of a sleep-deprived two year old :(  We've definitely got some nap time adjustments to make with the babysitter, and some bedtime changes on our end.  I just keep praying I made the right decision.

I was listening to the ever-lived debate between stay-at-home Mom's and the working Mom via Dr. Laura on the radio last night, as I was driving my sleeping toddler home after my work day.  I seriously can't believe how deep that reality resonates.  Her view:  daycare-raised children are neglected, period.  The human race was designed to be raised by a loving, always-present Mother, not by an institution of several different caregivers.   And the worst part of this argument?  I agree with her.  Whole-heartedly.

So this is my internal battle.  I feel an overwhelming need to be home with her, to cheer for every potty success, and put her down for every nap.  To discipline every wrongdoing and praise every success.  But I can't- it's just not in the cards for us, for our budget, for my immense student loan debt.  And that's a lot of why I took this new job, because I can get some debt repayment- a catalyst to a debt free day when I can work less, and be home more.

I remember my own Mom telling me while I was studying away for almost 6 years in college - "what if you want to stay home when you have children?" And at that point, I could not foresee the connection with a child, I could not imagine loving someone so much that I would give all of myself to them.  But man, do I wish I would have listened to her, really listened.

But I didn't, and here I am, many years later, a sweet, sweet little girl that God gave me as my own, and I'm shipping her off to the babysitter for forty hours each week.  Even though I smile and give myself to the patients I see daily, I long for something else.  My heart is pulling me home.  And I know that one day, I'll get there.  And honestly, that's what keeps me going- hope.

For now, it's Friday, and I'm thanking God that the US still lends the workweek a weekend, because I've got some major catching up to do with a certain two year old ;)

Have a great weekend.


Monday, November 11

Weekend Travels

We have been looking forward to this weekend for quite some time.   We traveled to New York for the weekend to celebrate the wedding of a good friend from my college years.  We knew it was going to be a bittersweet experience, as we were excited to spend time with friends, but nervous about leaving our Molly overnight for the first time.  She stayed with my Mom, and she could have cared less about us leaving-- she waved by intermittently while playing with the room of toys at my parent's house.   When we called to check in, she would say "hi Mommy, hi Daddy, I love you" and quickly move back to her previous task.  I'm constantly amazed by the resiliency of children.  Honestly, this time away harder on us than it was for her!

Jesse and I enjoyed some quiet time together and had lots of time for talk- it was so nice.  We also spent time enjoying the company of friends, who were such a huge part of my life for so many years.  It was gratifying.  I love that regardless of the amount of time apart, when we're reunited, it seems as though we've been neighbors all along.  

We met at the hotel on Friday evening, after the Rehearsal, and spent hours talking and reminiscing.  Saturday, we spent the afternoon a a local winery, which just happens to be the oldest winery in America.  It was a beautiful location, and we tasted some great wine, again- in the best company :)

The wedding took place north of New York City, at the most beautiful venue- an old remodeled mansion in a country setting.  The wedding ceremony was beautiful, the food was unbelievable, and the bride and groom were seriously so, so happy.  I always try to leave that reality somewhere for the bride and groom- "in the best and worst of days, always remember the joy and love you felt today".  Because marriage is tough, and at the end of the day, relies on the deep rooted love you have for each other.  Love never fails, right?!  It was seriously a gorgeous evening, full of love and fun.  (I opted not to take my camera, because I'm really not good with it and didn't want to spend the entire evening trying to figure out how to get a good shot).   I could not be happier for this new couple.

And likely the best part of the weekend was the giant hug from my Molly the minute I walked through the door.  Talk about unconditional love.  That girl :)

So here's to a new week and new beginnings all around.  A new marriage of friends, and a new job for me.  I'll take all the prayers I can get!

Happy Monday,